I am a teacher so I have no real concerns about children and my ability to care for them but I am however a little more worried about the baby stage. I adore holding babies and smelling their heads (you know, the usual) but I always gave them back, harder to do with your own. This fear only appears every now and then, usually I am just excited about the prospect of becoming a mum.
When I told my mum I was expecting she said she knew it was the one thing I have always wanted. Although I had never articulated this as such, my desire to become a mum was clear without words. At parties and gatherings I always gravitated towards the children and babies without hesitation. You would find me outside playing hide and seek rather than making small talk with the other adults. I thought this behaviour was because children are my profession, now I see it's because children of my own are all I have ever wanted.
A while ago I wrote quite a personal post about waiting to become a mum and dealing with jealousy over this, but I never posted it out of fear. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that it will happen and not to worry. I have had many conversations with a friend at work about the fear of not being able to be a mum, a fear created just because we hadn't started trying yet.
Will and I got married on October 26th 2016 and something changed when we got married. Changed in and amazing way. We had been together almost five years before getting hitched and have gone through huge lows and highs together. We have dealt with more in those five years that many face in fifty. After we got married it felt like that was the finial piece of our puzzle, Will and I are quite traditional in the sense that we didn't want to start a family until we were married. So once we were, we thought, why wait?
I know how lucky we are to have fallen pregnant and fallen pregnant so quickly and I am beyond grateful. Our road to twelve weeks was not an easy one and full of uncertainty and fear. We are now almost twenty and I am relaxing more and growing in excitement for the future and this exciting new chapter in our lives.
Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful mums and mums-to-be!